Haiku 2022 --> 2023
Origin
My mother died in October of 2022. For the end of year holidays, my daughter Isabelle gave me a gift and a challenge. The challenge was to write a haiku per week for winter and spring. The gift was two colors of fountain pen ink and two small notebooks.
The first ink color is called “the beginning of winter” and it is a cold shade of blue. The second color has a Japanese name of moegiiro and is a lively shade of green. I filled both notebooks.
Isabelle’s challenge letter is on the next page.
The process of writing haiku from time to time was therapeutic and I would suggest it to anybody processing something big.
Except for the first one below, the haiku are presented chronologically with their original numbers. I wrote more than one per week but have omitted some which accounts for the discontinuities in the numbering.
For your contemplation:
June 22, 2023 (after the end)
Six months of haiku
Two seasons of syllables
Counted reflections
Isabelle’s Challenge Letter
12/22/22
1.
Winter is coming
It is time to get ready
Where are my mittens?
12/25/22
After visiting Manny (my father) and Linda (his wife) in Jersey City on a very cold weekend and sleeping in a hotel on the Hudson.
2.
Suffocating cold
Drowning my soul and senses
Where can I find warmth?
3.
Cold icy river
Flowing slow past my window
Are the fish happy?
4.
My father is old
My mother already gone
The light is changing
1/4/23
5.
Something feels funny
I look down at my left hand
Blood everywhere
That written after reading about haiku and having the reaction that they were too tame. If I titled it, might be “Or right hand?”
1/8/23
Did some reading. Traditionally haiku are present tense, about nature and have some indication of the season (time) in them. One guy says that if you were going to imitate the rhythm in Japanese, the English would be more like 2, 3, 2 instead of 5, 7 ,5 – but that seems a bit limiting.
6.
Cold, crisp, white morning
Snow clings to twisting branches
But the sun is warm
7.
Glorious sunrise
A maze of snowy branches
Already dripping
8.
A damaging scream
Sits just below the surface
Pressure is building
1/9/23
9.
Letter to a ghost
Saying things I never said
How do I send it?
Letter to a ghost
Saying things I never said
Can you love me now?
And if you answer
With signs or indications
Can it fix the past?
1/10/23
10.
What do I expect
Of a mother dead and gone
No Expectations
1/11/23
11.
What’s the fucking point?
Everything is such a mess
Momentary smile
1/15/23
12.
A scent of the grave
Is following my nostrils
I can’t stop breathing
1/17/23
13.
Our pond is frozen
Goldfish silent under ice
Patiently waiting
14.
Am I here right now?
It feels like I’m somewhere else
Shouldn’t I be there?
1/19/23
15.
Almost in tears from
Passing past happy places
Time is bittersweet
1/22/23
16.
Snow rests on branches
Comfortable in the sun
Moss waiting below
1/26/23
18.
Just passed 4AM
Awake thinking in circles
Stress, Worry, Anger
19.
Splitting my mother
Finally I want my half
Still accepting less
2/5/23
On 2/4 we flew to Ecuador for a two week trip, mostly to the Galapagos. First stop, a night at Quito airport.
23.
Quito miracle
Weather is always the same
But the people must change?
26.
Incas cast a spell
Bringing time to a stand still
Quito is springtime
2/7/23
While on a boat tour around San Cristobal island. (boat, walk, snorkel)
27.
My mother died
Now I drink the best scotch first
Life is for living
28.
My balance is worse
I can’t dive like I used to
But I’m so alive
2/8/23
29.
San Cristobal Waves
Made me think of my mother
She loved to swim
At the Jersey Shore
We dove under the big ones
I was nine years old
Later she couldn’t
Difficulty with her ears
The end was starting
2/9/23
31.
Climb the Wall of Tears
Adding my years and the heat
I feel past pain now
2/11/23
32.
Lack of Internet
Is reducing bad habits
Relaxing my mind
[This was not completely true. The problem was there was some Internet and things arose that I had to deal with. For those moments, the poor Internet service was a major stressor.]
33.
Heat as barrier
Slowing my every step
Mandatory sloth
2/14/23
34.
End of timelessness
Leaving Galapagos
Back to the present
35.
The sun is winning
Back of my hands blistering
And there is no shade
36.
Surf in the background
Equatorial Valentines
Love grows in the sun
37.
With an ocean stare
What does the iguana see?
Source of the tides
2/15/23
38.
Flying to Quito
Our ears don’t pop when we land
City in the sky
39.
Me writing haiku
Larisa meditating
Mostly with Blockscapes
2/16/23
40.
Walk around Quito
Pollution and Prostitutes
70’s New York
2/18/23
We returned home to a house without water. With a repair scheduled the following week, we decided to stay at an Airbnb.
43.
Nice Airbnb
State prison across the street
Comfort is guarded
2/22/23
45.
Just twenty years left
No longer feels infinite
How to start my day
2/26/23
46.
If my mom is dead
What will she have for breakfast
Future mystery
2/27/23
47.
Water’s not flowing
I feel instincts awaken
The body panics
3/2/23
My brother and I did not agree on how to split my mother’s assets. I’ll skip the details, but it was stressful and contentious.
50.
Two brothers fighting
End of a relationship
That was hardly there
51.
Conflict shines a light
What is my brother to me?
Distress to avoid
52.
If someone throws shit
React with Zen or fight back
Don’t get distracted
Observation: writing about emotions directly doesn’t seem to work well. It needs too many words and doesn’t have impact. Evocative symbols are needed.
3/4/23
53.
Quit spewing bullshit
Was a phrase I had to use
Pushed to the brink
3/10/23
55.
Snow is almost gone
I am happy and worried
Life with climate change
3/13/23
57.
6 months since passing
The beyond feels much closer
Palpable unknown
58.
6 months since passing
Still papers and taxes to do
Emotions to feel
59.
Still encountering
Old memories of her life
Filling emptiness
60.
Six month decisions
Who and what to hold on to
More sorting to do
61.
Rain falls before snow
There will be ice underneath
The thaw will take time
3/15/23
62.
Our winter wanted
To prolong it’s solitude
Snow silence falling
3/19/23
A few using Isabelle’s prompts – winter is almost over.
introspection
63.
If I look inside
Appraising my emotions
Mist on deep water
stillness
64.
There’s no wind today
Distance comes into focus
Trees watching stillness
struggle
65.
I don’t want to move
I’m blocked by the first step
Obligations help
old age
66.
The older I get
The more there is to enjoy
But sadly less time
And then spring came!
Spring! 3/20/23
67.
New ink in my pen
Calendar says its spring
Hope it’s my spring too
68.
Light in the evening
And temperature warming
Flowers take notice
69.
My mind feels the spring
Eyes, nose, even ears do too
Will it reach my soul
70.
A tiny bud shines
In sun light bright through cold air
A flower is born
72.
I don’t zip my coat
In spite of a freezing breeze
After all, it’s spring
3/22/23
73.
It’s been dark too long
My soul is almost frozen
Spring to the rescue
75.
Spring tickles nostrils
Wake up and smell the coffee
Living joins mourning
77.
Spring’s open window
Light, warmth, the promise of love
Moist earth in the wind
3/27/23
78
Spring in Santa Cruz
Ocean bright and frothy
Sun strong, air crisp, life
4/1/23
80
Sometimes a long word
Takes all of the attention
Indubitably
81
When my work life ends
Transactional goals are gone
What books will I read?
4/2/23
82
At the library
What do I need to read now?
Unfamiliar shelves
4/10/23
84
There’s a scream inside
Stress has been building for months
Breath in, smile, exhale
Possibilities
85
Bittersweet contrast
My life clock turns to autumn
Spring’s mood eludes me
4/14/23
88
Beginning of spring
Pollen on solar panels
Signs of renewal
89
Chorus of song birds
Echo through trees at sunrise
They make peace with noise
4/17/2023
90
When I have free time
I feel stressed and anxious
Learning to relax
4/20/2023
91
Ends make beginnings
But not immediately
I’m lost in the gap
4/23/2023
92
Simple bowl of rice
Coconut milk, turmeric
Can that be enough?
4/26/2023
93
Mud season in spring
Functioning, but deeply stuck
No projects, no goals
94
It is time to sleep
It’s dark and frogs are singing
Why can’t I join them?
5/1/2023
(after visiting Margaretville)
95
Pain and suffering
Bring compassion and stress
Both fade with distance
96
Fresh birch leaves growing
My eyes absorb spring promise
Deep green after rain
5/7/2023
A weekend in Portland, Maine for our anniversary
98
Sun with crisp spring breeze
A long walk by the water
We’re still holding hands
99
Now thirty one years
Living our lives together
She still makes me smile
101
A cozy old street
Surrounded by parking lots
Maybe next life time
102
No rules this weekend
Cocktails and yes to dessert
Naps and no email
5/12/2023
103
Sometimes it is hard
To get started with my day
Lingering sadness
5/20/2023
104
Letters and contracts
Notaries and signatures
Paperwork progress
After seeing “Dorrance Dance”
106
Art in the city
And then oysters and cocktails
Living the good life
107
Hard rain pelts the roof
Each drop softly says hello
The sound is soothing
108
Boats in the water
Moving slowly through the rain
Wet top and bottom
109
My mother is gone
She was often gone in life
Now its forever
110
A living fish pond
Big frog reflecting the sun
Patiently waiting
5/29/2023
112
New York in Springtime
Sunshine, pizza, ices, yum
Music all around
113
Subways of my youth
Same cars fifty years later
But I have changed
114
A New York doorway
All the people that passed
Listen for Echoes
115
Some of my good parts
Stem from my mother’s mistakes
Neglect can build strength
116
Bees love no mow May
Small flowers cover the lawn
Do bees cry in June?
5/30/2023
120
What is the true self?
Is it body? Breath? Mind? Soul?
Self is who’s asking
121
Sun beams flowing down
Sleep ends for solar panels
Power for my soul
123
In crisis or joy
We gather in a circle
Dance is the answer
124
Tina Turner gone
She’s still on the radio
Sky bound royalties
125
The clock is ticking
Hands move slowly in circles
Please don’t follow them
5/31/23
126
Evening Torpor
Worked all day for others
No juice left for me
6/1/2023
127
A line of tree trunks
Is now a wall of green leaves
Spring’s work is complete
128
Green leaves block my view
Happy in my green cocoon
Safe until autumn
129
Turkeys still, gazing
Beautiful golden hour light
What are they thinking
6/4/2023
130
I’m doing nothing
Without even trying to
Music and blank mind
6/6/2023
131
Suffering exists
I’m obliged to be happy
My troubles are light
132
Climate disaster
War, famine, etcetera
Hummingbird in flight
134
Doing stupid stuff
Attention drifts to and fro
Life between missions
135
A penny spinning
The price of tea in China
My plans tomorrow
136
Experience means
You’ve learned what you don’t know
And that is wisdom
137
Good music playing
Takes over my emotions
Teaching me to feel
6/7/2023
138
My mother
Library patron
Me too
6/8/2023
139
My tooth is hurting
Not much, but I don’t like it
Dentist tomorrow
My toe is hurting
A pot dropped from on high
My fault, I did it
My head is hurting
Thinking about toes and teeth
It’s bedtime for sure
6/12/2023
“Renewal”
140
Time to start over
Fasting restarts the body
Emotions are next
142
Warm green springtime rain
Flash of sun through water drops
Beginning of life
143
Piercing ray of light
Future possibilities
Time to get moving
6/16/2023
(today is my brother’s birthday)
144
My brother’s birthday
There’s no need to fake caring
I don’t plan to call
“Renewal”
146
Started playing squash
The opposite of aging
Smart, aggressive, fast
“Possibilities”
147
Zillow addiction
Each place could be our next life
Here and now still wins
6/18/2023
149
Is Haiku writing?
Or only observation?
Writing is seeing
6/21/2023 – First Day of Summer
150
Sunlight shining down
Lights, trees, flowers, grass, and skin
Below it’s still dark
151
Spring into summer
Looking forward to the heat
I need a good thaw
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